Children On Stun - Mondo Weird (CD)

The UK government today announced a scheme to link the latest Japanese mobile phone technology with compulsory ID cards thereby allowing them to track every UK citizen at any time.

The technology won't be limited to just location either as it utilises sensors, known as accelerometers, which will allow the government to determine just exactly what it is you are up to.

Governmental men in white coats, who work in laboratories, came up with the idea when they realised that the Japanese were only suggesting that managerial types use it to spy on employees.

"Why stop there?", one boffin was quoted as saying.

It's anticipated that over time the mobile phone link will allow recorded messages to be delivered to the unwary when the sensors spot that you are up to no good. For instance, a bit of late night one handed Web browsing might result in a terse, "Stop that. You'll go blind". Or if you have just nipped out for a crafty fag and the sensor determines you have flicked your lighter, your phone will deliver a condescending, "That's bad for you, you know."

The government hope that in the long term it will discourage terrorists. They just can't quite say how at the moment.

Richard Cranium, the Home Office spokesperson, issued a statement, "At present we are investing £3.4bn in a trial project but, once the project gets the green light - which it will - the costs are expected to spiral out of our control."

When pressed on privacy issues he said, "The phone-ID card combination will make the UK a safer place for the ordinary citizen - not that we trust them of course. It will store 873 pieces of unique personal data and will be completely secure. Unless you lose it. Or unless the database gets hacked. Or if we leave an unencrypted copy of the database on a train. Or if we leave a laptop, containing the database, on a bus. Or if a call-centre worker gets bribed to sell the database or access to it. Or if the passwords are shit. Or if....." Half an hour later he ended by saying, "But all of those situations are extremely likely. I mean, unlikely."

Joe Bloggs, of pressure group 1984:It's Only A Book!!, said, "For fucks sake! When will it end?"


Children On Stun - Mondo Weird (M&A Music Art MACDL953 1997) 320kbps

1. Mondo Weird
2. Building Boxes
3. Felch
4. Style Police
5. Singles And Doubles
6. Twisted
7. Strange Days
8. Outrageous, Outlawed, Outspoken
9. Scum
10. Aunty Crsytal Thieves
11. Whiskey A-Go-Go
12. Demonica Beatnik

Stop That. You'll Go Blind - pwd: c4ctusm0uth